Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She's the barista slut.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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