he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
