Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
