I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
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the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
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I don't deserve a penis
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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