what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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