Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
