Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
