Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
