We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
