We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
