Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
