Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
