I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize