Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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