Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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