I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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