just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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