I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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