I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
