im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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