I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize