You smell like a Billy Joel song
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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