He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
