I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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