They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
