Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
