I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
