My underwear smells like fireworks.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
