Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
