watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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