Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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