this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
