i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
