im drinking this country out of the recession.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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