I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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