i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
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I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
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I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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