Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
