as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
