I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
