Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
