Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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