i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
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We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
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I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize