my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
