i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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