dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
