Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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