Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
