my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
