part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
