I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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