oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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