yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
