I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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