once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
