Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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