I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
