is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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