I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
