the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
