I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
