he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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