he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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