ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
