She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
