Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
