so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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