She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
