I think I died a long time ago.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
