My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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